I have been wrestling with what to post next. I have a dozen or so different ones I've been working on. I wrote this in February of 2021 and have been sitting on it. Unsure of it's quality and only sure that I don't completely hate it.
My Definition of Love
I was challenged to write what I thought love was or at least the definition of it. Writing this made me realize a few things. First and foremost we throw around the term love and the phrase "I love you" so often it has begun to lose meaning, so even if we were to try and summarize something so big with mere words, we'd inevitably fall short. I've begun to see the value of people. Not in a materialistic sense at all, however, in an emotional and mental way. People that are a source of inspiration, incitation and nourishment for the mind and soul are valuable beyond measure and should be shown such. This is my attempt at quantification of an emotion we hardly understand let alone know how to express it or recognize it in its purest form.
I found an amazing piece by Cassandra Clare which gave me some inspiration. The rest I just let fall out of my head onto the page and I can tell you with certainty that I don't hate this one.
Here it is....
I belong to her. She could do anything she wanted with me and I'd let her. She could ask anything of me and I'd break myself trying to make her happy. My heart tells me this is the best and greatest feeling I've ever had.*
You taught me what love is and it destroyed my psyche. It forced me to see that love is love is love and made me reevaluate everything. You made me realize I never knew what it was to truly love someone until I let everything go and surrendered. It did and does scare the ever living fuck out of me. I've NEVER been this comfortable with anyone. Not even my family. It's like you reach into me and understand me on such an intimate level that my immediate reaction is to run as fast and far as I can. Then you sooth me. Your presence calms me. When I'm in a place so dark, that I don't know if I can find my way back, your voice shines a light for me to find my way home.
You've always been better at solving my problems than I am. When I gravitated towards what I thought was best, you managed to steer me to what was right. Even if your methods at times were unconventional, contrived even, the purity of your intentions always ran true.
You see the sorrow behind my smile. You didn't take the time to get to know me for who I conveyed, you took the time to know my soul, on a level that both fascinated and frightened me. Taking things like love, intimacy and trust to levels I'd heard and dreamt of but never experienced. Raising me to heights that leave me breathless and in awe of your beauty and grace.
So wrapped up in my thoughts and guarded in my privacy I barely noticed as you broke down the communication barrier I'd set in place to ward off unwelcome reprobates and keep a veil across my mind to shun and hinder those who would dare trespass. You so expertly and deftly rendered me defenseless to your heart, soul, mind and body. Left with nothing but a burning desire to know you, consume you and see your soul and expose my own.
As you devoured my capricious thoughts I drank in the scent of your being. Enraptured with ever fiber of your soul and deafened by the sight of your heart. I am eager, no, I long for the moments I am with you and nothing else. The sound of your laugh is like music in a distant room. Try as I may, I can't recall it, but when I see you and feel you I fall in love all over again.
* - Cassandra Clare's quote – I changed the pronoun you to her and she
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